For the men…most of us remember our fathers, grandfathers, or uncles telling us to “treat our women like princesses”. Even more, when we talk to Black women, they want to be treated “like a queen”. Right? Yes?
For the average young Black female, the days of going out, talking on the phone first and then waiting for further intimacy is OVER! Nowadays, if you expect to take a woman out, treat her to dinner and a movie, walk through the park and then buy her chocolates and flowers on the way home, YOU…GET…DUMPED! And then, the next week, while you’re out pumping gas, you see her hugged up on some broke “thug” in dirty over-sized clothes who treats her like a shattered bottle top. In actuality, this is OKAY with some women: to be treated like crap, used for one night, ignored for the next 14 nights and then jump up at the next chance to “get some”. All the while, THEY are the ones paying for the dates.
I recently sat down with Alicia, who is a 34 year-old associate, works full-time, single and very educated. Upon asking her about the phenomenon of the attraction to “ruffneck brothas” and not to actual gentleman, her reply was astounding. “Women, especially strong ones, want a sense of aggression in their lives,” she said. “You don’t want someone who matches your energy, but someone who exceeds it. Subordination is somewhat of an aphrodisiac; to some women, the idea of a man “doing you wrong” and not needing you shows strength and independence and self-sufficiency, which are supposedly the right primal traits in men. I know that it sounds a little messed up, and some women will disagree, but for some women, it all funnels down to survivability. The “alpha male” thing, you know…”
I’m sure that there are PLENTY of women who disagree with her theory, but in some part, I can’t help but to think that she may be correct. Especially for the younger crowd, women are almost EXPECTED to be stood up about 40% of the time they date. For many 20-something women, a classic Friday night might include going out to the club, getting picked up by a man, going home with him, having a one-night stand and then never hearing from him again…UNTIL she goes back to the same club! Why this is, I don’t know, but perhaps the ease of communication and access to people via email, text message, etc. has something to do with it. The easier it is to get in touch with someone, the easier it is to get out of touch as well.
As much as there are women who view gentleman behavior as “weak, unnecessary or undesirable”, I’m sure there is a large count of women who enjoy traditional dates, like being taken out, conversing with a man, getting to know him before further intimacy and if it doesn’t work out, being honest and open with him, all the while maintaining great communication and genuineness. To those women, I’m sure that all sensible gentleman salute you! Even though the numbers seem to be dwindling, there are still some solid Black men who would welcome your company!