7 Things To Remember Before You “Sext”

I’ve told you once…and I’ll say it again. Don’t SEXT! Just don’t do it. Seems like it’s just more trouble than it’s worth.

However, just in case you’re still considering it…or doing I found a couple of pointers for you.

1) Be sexy. For guys, tumescence is of the essence. The so-called Brett Favre picture featured a flaccid wang book-ended by Crocs. I’m not sure of a more clear way to tell a woman that you’re completely uninterested in her sexually than the combination of tacky sandal thingies and a soft thingy. For the ladies, maintain your best level of grooming, don’t get too close and show some body.
2) Measure twice, cut once. Be absolutely sure that you’re sending your whatever to the right person. Your mom might have a great sense of humor about these things, but there will be many questions in the vein of “what kind of person are you?”
3) Don’t send dick pics (or snatch snaps) to people who absolutely don’t want them. I’m not an “expert” on “the law,” but it sounds as illegal as it is a bad idea to marry a guy named Peterson**.
4) Don’t show your face. Plausible deniability goes a very long way. Ask Brett Favre. Just because a sexy photograph came from your account or phone, it doesn’t rule out that it came from Google Images, was a goof or was produced with some sort of genitalia-uglying PhotoShop program.
5) Say “no” to quid pro quo. Sometimes life isn’t fair, just because someone sends you a photo of their “stuff” doesn’t mean you have to reciprocate OR use your real photo (see previous point). Extra hilarity points if you return the pic of a different ethnicity, gender or species than of you yourself.
6) Examine your goals. Are you seeking to enflame passion in a future sex partner? This mayn’t do the trick and they’ll probably show it to friends. Are you looking to entice a current or former sex partner? They may have a limited memory of your abilities if this is necessary and they’ll probably show it to friends… Are you trying to “freak out the normals”? If so, the normals should probably take your phone away.
7) This will get out. Crotch shots are a gateway drug. One of these days, you’ll become too emboldened and that’s when you slip up. Or some scandal-ass sic ex will seek revenge through publishing your baby-making/feeding parts. Please keep this in mind before you click and send.

From Your Tango:

Any other items you can add to the list?

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