Dr. O, “I think that my husband is Gay? Please Help!”

Last night, I was in the office until about 8:30 PM. One of my patients called in distress. Initially  she had requested an appointment for tomorrow, but she asked me if I could give her a few minutes at the end of MY day.  The first question I asked her was, “Are you suicidal?” Her response was, “No!”  My next question was, “Are you homicidal?” She replied, “Maybe.” I then looked at my watch and it said 4:30 PM.  I immediately wanted to cry. However, I put my counter-transference in place and told her to come in as soon as possible. I could not resist asking her, “How far away are you?” She said, ” I am in the lobby of the building!” “WOW” was all I could say. Mrs. X entered my office beet red. She stopped by the front desk and went and plopped-down in the waiting area, as customary.  When I came out to pick her up, I could feel heat coming from her nostrils. Mrs. X is always soft-spoken but very matter-of-fact. I had no idea of the “bomb” she was about to drop that evening. She came into my office, sat on the couch, and began to cry profusely. I allowed the catharsis to progress as I scanned my watch.

After several minutes of heavy crying I inquired, “Tell me more.” She looked straight through me and stated, “I think that HE is Gay?” I said, “um hum.” Then I paused and allowed the silence to fill the room for a minute. She then restated, “Did you hear me! I said that HE is GAY!” I replied, “um hum.”  She then asked me why did I not tell her? Did I know his secret? And how can you tell if a person is GAY? I asked her gingerly, “Before I respond-Who is HE?’ She said, “My sorry husband!” I responded, “Oh My!”

First, I shared Mrs.X I have never meet your husband and if I did, I could not reveal any confidential therapy secrets without permission. I also shared with her, based on her last year of therapy, that I had been concerned. However, I always allow my patients to process and gain insight during therapy. I then said to her, “You’ve known this for a while.” She dropped her head and said, “Yes, but I was in denial.” I validated her feelings and once again silence filled the room.

She did agree that I could share the particular process of the session without using her husband’s or her name. After such an intense session, that lasted 3 hours, I-decided to produce a blog for ladies who suspect that their husbands are GAY! I hope this is helpful!

This list is based on fifteen years of clinical experience and not any scientific process of gathering data.

Top Ten Ques that your Husband Most Probably is GAY:

  1. He likes for you to participate in a lot of  strange and kinky sex ALL the time.  For example, he likes for you to stimulate him in unusual places. Enough said!
  2. You don’t really arouse him. Sex tapes are usually needed for him to gain an erection. You are also not sure which party he is looking at in the pornography tapes. Most probably he is scoping out the male. Watch his reactions as the camera moves from the female to the male.
  3. He has a lot of gay friends and usually invites them over  for dinner on Sundays.
  4. He has a lot of male face-book friends, with no shirt on. LOL This is an interesting finding but it usually holds true.
  5. He has a lot of close male friends. He may be referring to his undercover lover as his “best-friend.”
  6. You get along well with his friends. Gay men get along better with women.
  7. You discover homosexual pornography. This is something you stumble across while doing spring cleaning.
  8. He does a lot of texting and cell-phone calling before and or after intimate times of exchange between the two of you. (dinner, sex, and long conversations)
  9. He can’t wait to get out of the house on weekends to hang out with his male friends.
  10. He takes a lot of business or church trips, out of town, with male friends.

Now I am sure several of you are concerned now; However before you get too excited, angry or scared as yourself the following five questions;

A. Do I believe MY husband is GAY?

B. Have I been in DENIAL about my husband’s sexuality?

C. Has it been MONTHS since we have had sex? or Have we ever really had sex?

D. Has MY Husband been trying to TELL me he is GAY?

E. Did I KNOW my Husband was GAY when we got married? (I thought I could change him)

Many of you will answer, yes to most of these questions.  However, don’t fear help is here. You are probably tired of living in this lie or nightmare so why no try the following steps;

1. Develop a plan with your spouse that both of you can live with.

2. Don’t be afraid to ask your husband if he is Gay. He will probably be happy to come clean.

3. Get HIV testing. This is a must and probably should be done first.

4. Don’t panic.

5. Keep your business to yourself until you have made a plan. After this, still keep your business to yourself.

I am sure we need to discuss this on the blog, so go ahead and leave your remarks. I will respond to all queries.

Also check out my book @http://amzn.to/AcFViO, “Am I in A Bad Relationship!”


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