Is Sex Essential for a Healthy Relationship?

The topic of sex comes up daily in many of our conversations. The most frequent questions I currently hear are:

  1. Who is too old to have sex?
  2. How often should married couples have sex?
  3. Shouldn’t you try the hat on before you buy it?
  4. Should children change your frequency of having sex?
  5. What should I do if my spouse does not give me any?

I will answer the above five questions and then give you a concluding response to the title of the post.

How old is too old to have sex?

This is an individualized response. This to me depends totally on the person. I have known of some seventy and eighty year old couples that are still sexually active. In marriage, the bed is undefiled and usually when you have two healthy individuals with active hormones and the right chemistry, ain’t o telling what might happen (FIREWORKS). I do know that there are peaks and valleys in a male and females sexual appetite throughout the life-cycle. I have seen some women lose their drive during the peri-menopausal period, but soon after menopause  their sex drive goes up and can go down. In essence it is up to the individual couple. They can have sex as long as they feel healthy (heart functioning appropriately) and they have the appetite and strength as well. If you are a 45 year old man or woman and one evening of sex wears you out for a week, you may want to seek another hobby.


How often should married couples have sex?

This is a much needed discussion. It is essential before marriage that couples read this post and complete a partner-inventory-survey. This is a discussion that can certainly be held before marriage and commitment. What I see often in practice is, after the honeymoon period, sexually things fall apart. Initially there is excitement and the newness of the relationship so sex is not a major issue or point-of-contention. However, once the music stops, things can become a bit more complicated. It is important to have at least a couple of discussions about your sexual habits, behaviors and appetite with your perspective spouse. It is kinda hard to trade a spouse in once you have signed on the dotted line.

Should you try on the hat before you purchase it?

First off, in the church we do not believe in premarital sex. So the question becomes, “How do we know if we are sexually compatible before the night of the honeymoon. This is where pre-marital counseling and very vivid and distinct discussions have to be considered. A couple of considerations you need to keep on the front burner;

  • Is this his/her’s first marriage?
  • Is he/she a virgin?
  • Are there children from previous relationships?
  • Does he/she have chronic medical problems? (HTN and Diabetes)
  • How does he/she see intimacy and what are some of their views?

Well, I guess you see I have not answered the question yet. In my opinion, this is a discussion that you have to have with your “own” religious leader. If you don’t have one, use your own spiritual discretion. This is a touchy subject for most involved.

Should children change your frequency of having sex?

Of course, there will be changes when the child is very small. There will be required feedings every 2-3 hours , as well as, some exhaustion. However, you will have to really work hard at keeping the “flame of sex” alive during this period because sometimes it goes out or is dimly lit. You may have to schedule date nights or other appointments to do what you do. I must caution you not to neglect your spouse because there is a new baby, but just be sure that everyone has an understanding. Communication is the key during the initial birthing period. However, after all the children get a little older and sleep in their own bed, let her rip again!

What should I do if my spouse will not give me  any?

This is a frequent problem. First, make your reasonable request known to your spouse. If they are physically ill, you should be understanding. Also, if it is that time of the month, you should retreat also. However, if you are feeling sexually neglected and your spouse keeps promising you sex but never provides you with release, you should seek professional counseling with your spouse to find out why. There may be a problems from childhood, fatigue or an undiagnosed illness. However, address it sooner than later.

I hope this article has been helpful. However, the answer is, “Yes, sex is essential for most healthy relationships.” Some of you may agree or disagree. I would like for you to pick up my book, “Am I in a Bad Relationship?” and let me hear your thoughts on this topic as well.


Thanks for stopping by,


Picture source:

Related Posts with Thumbnails