This is the question that many men/women have to deal with on the rainy and cold Valentine’s Day week. By the way, the Pennsylvania Ground Hog must have lied with all of this bad weather the country has been experiencing lately. First off, one has to reconcile within themselves, if there are any justifiable reasons for cheating? After polling of couple of my readers, listed below were the top five reasons that people cheat:
- Lack if intimacy without sex
- Lack of intimacy with sex
- Feeling disconnected
- Retaliation for poor/maltreatment
- “I dunno.”
Each of the above reasons could be considered very loaded. However, we could spend hours on top of hours going back and forth with discussion and rhetoric to come to valid conclusions for a cheater’s point of reference and or rationalization. In psychotherapy, I never really spend time talking about the cheating partner, I usually process with the cheated-on partner because they are the one’s they normally come to therapy. Here is the thing, once it happens the first question that you must answer is, “Are you willing to deal with the consequences or the prospect that it may happen again?” The next question is, “Are you feeling guilty or responsible for what just took place.” The final question you have to ponder is, “Is this really the first time?” Too often, we already the answer to all of the above questions but we don’t want to face the music. In some instances, many are just afraid to deal with reality and or brutality of being left alone. Some people prefer a part or piece of a mate rather than no mate at all. Let me share with you the reasons many women reportedly choose to stay with cheating men. (Limited survey results)
- “He helps me pay my bills.”
- “He is the father of my children.”
- “Better the devil that you know.”
- “I just love him”.
- “He brings me his check.”
This is the reality of how a few women feel. In some instances, men have some similar feelings. Check out their top reasons for staying.
- “She got my back.”
- “She is a really good cook.”
- “She knows I mess around.”
- “She is cheating too.”
- “I know how to make love to her, right.”
Now that you have heard some of my survey results, I really need y’all to chime in this “Lover’s Week.” Do you agree with the reasons listed above? Did I just choose a weak sample of people to survey? Or do you agree, you should take back a cheating spouse/lover on Valentine’s Day rather than being alone.
For more advice on how to handle cheating in a relationship, purchase my new book “Am I in a Bad Relationship?”.
Dr. O
Picture source: https://twodaymag.com/love/view/taking-back-a-cheater
