This post goes out to all you lovers out there that meet in hotel rooms, parked cars, behind buildings, at restaurants, in church, parks or anywhere else the person you’re cheating on won’t be! The term secret lovers, already has a negative connotation, so if you’re love or lover is a secret, it’s most likely because it was wrong from the beginning like you falling in love with your brother-in-law or betraying your mom by cheating with your step dad, (yes, I said step-dad).

Now, cheating is bad in every sense, but secret lovers are more often times than not, kept secret because the lovers involved have gotten together within a group of people who already have close ties. Remember when the trashy show “Jerry Springer” was popular (and yes it’s still being aired)? Many times guests would come on the show to reveal to a loved one that they have been cheating on them with their cousin, best-friend, sister, brother, aunt, uncle and sometimes even their parents. Upon hearing this, it’s not hard to imagine what happened next, which was a lot of screaming, crying , yelling and then charging to initiate a fight scene that was somewhat similar to that of the “Mortal Combat” movie lol.

According to Infidelity Facts, 17 percent of men and women have admitted to emotional and or psychical cheating with a brother or sister-in-law. Infidelity Facts also reported that 74 percent of men and 68 percent of women would cheat if they knew they could get away with it and that the average affair lasts up to two years.

Isn’t it amazing how many people would chose to do wrong? I just read an article the other day in Ebony Magazine, about Tina Campbell, of popular Gospel music group MaryMary, revealing that her husband and father to her five kids, Teddy Campbell, cheated on her with a family friend.

Read the clip of her reaction from Black Media Scoop:

Once I became aware [of the affair], I initially wanted to kill my husband,” she admitted. I was considering adjusting the will, the living trust and all that kind of stuff. I did physically try to stab him. Several times…I never got to the point of physical harm, not really, but my words…My words hurt.

An extreme reaction like attempting to kill your husband after learning of his infidelity, is understandable considering that the two of you vowed to stay together, and only “be” with each other until death do you part. But, marriage vows also include partners promising to be there for each other no matter what, through the good, bad, and ugly and cheating is a part of many couple’s ugly phase, so with that being said, Tina said in the article that she has forgiven her husband.

If you’re truly in love (like Tina said) and you want to make it work, relationships do have the potential to survive cheating. It won’t be an easy process and the trust may take a while to regenerate but over time it can be restored.

Here are a few ways to determine if your partner/spouse has a secret lover:

• Your partner now has a new and odd work schedule (different work hours than before, causing them to be away from home and with that other chick)
• They declare they just want “some me time”.
• They become irritable when asked about their whereabouts.
• They leave the room when talking on the phone.

I hope this post was helpful, and to all you secret lovers out their, come on out into the light because it will shine on you eventually anyway.

Dr. O

Picture source: http://hellobeautiful.com/2520777/man-cheating-change/