This is the age old question that many women have to ask themselves concerning loaning money to their male boyfriend or counter-part. It seems like a simple resolution, but oftentimes it is not as easy as it appears.  This is how many end-up in cyclic “financially” abusive relationships.   There may be matters of the heart involved and when this comes in to play, the response of no just ain’t that easy. Moreover, if you have been a member of the lonely-hearts club for a while, and you finally found you someone, this might just have to be factored into the equation, also.

Let’s look more closely at this issue of loaning money. There are several pitfalls to loaning money. 1) Your budget can get busted. 2) You may or may not get your money back. 3) Once you start loaning out nickels, they will come back for dimes.

The first issue, budget busting is most important. Sometimes ladies will do just about anything to keep a man. They will surrender just about their entire bank account or bank roll even before they have handled their business. That is, paying their mortgage/rent,  food bills and sometimes even utilities. Now, the problem with this is, once a person gets behind in their bills, it is pretty difficult to catch-up and sometimes the outcome can become devastating (foreclosure, hunger, etc just to name a few). However, when that male mate sort of twists your arm into giving him even that which you don’t have to spare, it usually leads into long-term problems.

The next issue is never getting your money back. People can take advantage of you, especially when they find you vulnerable. There are many vulnerable women out there  who just want a man. When you are lonely and have not been involved in sexual relations for a while, you become vulnerable. Yes, many men do pawn sex for money. This has another name, but that won’t be discussed in this post. So, if there is no signature on a promissory note or active collateral put-up, you may or may not get your money back. So, in conclusion, don’t loan it if you can’t spare it because you may not be getting it back anytime soon.

Now, finally how do you handle the repeat offender. You know, the one that keeps coming back for more and more and more. They start off, requesting a few dollars, then the increments jump. How do you handle this one? Well it is simple, just don’t start anything that you cannot finish. Please be fore-warned, once you become a citizen’s trusting bank, you will become a firstly national bank. In essence, don’t start what you cannot finish.

Of course we have to discuss special circumstances. Now, if you are in a long-term, committed relationship, there may be a couple of special considerations such as:

1. Legal Issues (traffic tickets or other small pressing  legal matters)
2. Small Car repairs-brakes, HVAC or flat-tires (time-limited loan)
3.  Medical Emergencies (medications, ER visit, broke-arm)

When you do loan money for any of the above reasons, be sure that you explicitly write-out the terms of the loan and get signatures. Do not, I repeat go for the old dreaded verbal contracts/agreements.   Things can get very cloudy and people tend to forget what they said in previous conversations. Afterwards, the relationship that you save may be your very own.

Thanks for stopping by and I hope that this article has been helpful.

Dr. O

Picture source: http://www.dimespring.com/articles/qa-how-do-i-help-out-family-members-with-their-finances