This issue really comes up a lot in relationships. Now there are so many forms of cheating emotional, sexual and now face-booking. This sounds comical but it is so true. A lot of people settle for a piece of a mate than no mate at all. The question that comes up after one has been cheating on in a relationship is , “Am I Stupid for Going Back?” There is no quick or rationale answer to this but it is worthy of  a post and discussion.

First, was the cheating episode verified by you or a family member? This is so important. It is nothing worse than jumping to conclusions and assumptions. Life is just too short for unnecessary drama. Furthermore, don’t let a little flirting destroy a long-term and committed relationship that you have had over the course of time. Most of you already know what kind of mate you have from the gate. If you have a once a week sex date with your partner, and you settled for this in the beginning it most probably won’t change as the relationship progresses. If your guy/gal was not a talker or a communicator in the beginning, it probably won’t be that way  later on in the relationship. There was a song that came out many years ago that stated, “Don’t Go Changing to Try to Please Me.” You don’s really have to sing this song because in most instances, it is very difficult to change.

Secondly, is this the first episode of cheating that you have had in this relationship or do all of your partners usually cheat on you. If the later is true, it is now time for some drill down. Are you depressed? Are you unsure of what you want in a relationship? Have you been marreid 2 or more times? Are you unwilling to compromise in relationships? Did any of these question give you cause to pause? If so, you may need to do some work in psychotherapy to get to the root of your trust and relationship issues. It is very important that we look at the man or woman in the mirror first, before starting a fight with outr partners.  Oftentimes persons that have been victims of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse have a lot of diffuculty maintaining long-standing and strong relationship. Would this be you?

Thirdly was it rally that major of an occurrence? Your partner or spouse had an innocent lunch, clothes on with an old friend. This takes a lot of us over the roof. Your partner, spouse or lover didn’t answer their cell phone and this infuriated you. You wanted some and couldn’t get none, now you mad. I must share with you, paranoia kicks it sometimes when our primary libidinal energy is not met. We get angry, mad and down right furious. However, sometimes when you process it just a little it was not that major.

Sometimes reconciliation is a good thing and it causes the relationship to grow. If you are with a repeat offender/cheater, you may have to seek happiness somewhere else.  Now, remember what the lonely do at Christmas time, nothing. I am in no  way telling you to tolerate foolishness. Of course, if the credit card has a bunch a charges from your local Marriott Hotel this would be a legitimate suspicion. Of course, if his VISA has a charge to Victoria Secrets and all of your underwear have holes in them you should be concerned. Finally, if there has not been a vacation or fun  in 6-8 months, break-up may not be far off.

Checklist for cheating:

1. Has he/she done it before?

2.  Is this a major or minor offence?

3.  Did you catch him/her?

4.  Where they suppose to be with you that night?

5.  Is the sex quick?

6.  Are you sexually frustrated and it is impacting your work?

These are just a few realtionship tidbits for you. It is my hope that this has been helpful. For more information, hit up my blog at www.askdro.com or my YouTube Channel. There is a lot of good stuff for your to read and or listen to on this issue.

Thanks for stopping by,

Dr.O