I’m Gay and My Lover Beats Me

This issue is very prevalent in today’s society. I see a lot of patients that are being abused by their mates,verbally, sexually,  and physically.  I had a personal friend (Mr. X) who reported that his lover would beat him and then force him to participate in sexual activity afterwards.   He was clinically depressed! Mr.X  believed that his lover was in another relationship.  With this, his belief wasalso  that his lover was taking out personal frustrations on him.  It appears that this issues were from the other relationship. However, he did not leave. When I asked him why he didn’t leave, he responded, ‘I am HIV positive and no one else will want me”.  I then processed this statement with my friend. I asked him, “Why do you feel this way”?  He responded that his lover had told him that during several of their fights. I then asked him if he believed the statement and he said, “Yes.”  The work here has to start with self-esteem development and work on self. The victim in this case scenario will have difficulty with independence and/or standing up for himself. The issue with his HIV status is being used against him. It is obvious that his lover does not have a problem with his status and neither will some others. If he is open and honest from the beginning, he should be able to find a new love. If he is unsure of himself, has low self-esteem, and has a lot of self-hatred, he may not be able to get out of this relationship ever. This is the etiology in a lot of chronic abuse cases. The victim here must be helped to learn to love himself and gain better control of his sense of purpose and love.

Enough Said,

Dr. O

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