FAQ Infidelity: How many times is enough?

A FAQ is a “frequently asked question.”  I decided to develop this series because there are several questions that keep coming-up. After reviewing my files, from the last year, Infidelity is the most frequently asked question of Dr.O. So now I am sure that many of you would like to hear my response, well brace yourself because hear it is………………….

There is NO absolute value for how many times your spouse/lover may cheat on you during your committed relationship. Here is the thing, there has to be a scientific method for addressing this complicated issue. Follow this step-by-step analysis and this will help you make your decision.  However,  be prepared to live with whatever decison you make after you complete this process.

  1. What were the original ground rules if any? (did you REQUIRE monogamy in the beginning)
  2. Have or are you being “unfaithful” occasionally, also? (sexually or emotionally)
  3. Is the sexual part of your relationship stale?
  4. Do you have a new STD?*
  5. Is there someone else you are interested in at this time?
  6. Do you Still Love your spouse/lover?

*Immediately cease and desist from all sexual activity.

Now, please be advised that I did not ask you if you were still in LOVE with your spouse/lover. The question is do you love the person and are you willing to fight for your relationship?   There is usually a reason for infidelity. The top three reasons are 1) Lack of intimacy (sex and other forms, 2) Lack of attention, and 3) Financial Stress. Many people are now including FACEBOOK as a culprit.

Here is the answer, if you aswered yes to 3 or more of the above questions you should consider moving-on. If your answered yes to only 2, the relationship may be worth saving.  There is a special caveat.  If you answered yes to #4, the relationship is in Jeopardy.  After you go to the physician to find out exactly what is medically going on, have a heart-to-heart discussion. Do not jump to conclusions because what if your spouse/lover  is not the “vector”  for your infection. Remember that some STDs can lie dormant for years. Ask them first, if they too are infected.

Now I am not sure that I answered this FAQ appropriately for you, but the true answer is only YOU can be the calculator for your madness. Winter is coming and nights can be long and lonely. That is the “naked” truth.   Friends will always say,” leave him/her they are no good for you!”  However, most probably that friend(s) does NOT have anyone. The harsh truth of the matter is that most of us “WILL CHEAT ” especially if we are unhappy. Yes, it could be either physical, sexual or emotional cheating. Guess what, most of us also HAVE cheated in the past or now in our present relationships.  Remember, I did NOT say ALL for those of you who claim to be more faithful than thou! However, when you do find that special one, please commit with your whole heart, soul, body and mind.

Do you have problems with infidelity? Is monogamy a problem for you? Do you agree with the list above? Is the prognosis for your relationship good or bad? Let me hear from you concerning this issue. Don’t be afraid to be transparent on this post.

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