Some Friends Are Worth Keeping: Mending Broken Friendships

Learn How To Make-Up From Friend Fights

“Friends.  How many of us have them?  Friends.  The ones we can depend on. ..”

Every good relationship goes through it’s share of difficult times.  I am sure you’ve had a disagreement over a guy or girl that your best friend is dating.  Or maybe your friend (who has doubled as your roommate – sometimes a fatal mistake) forgot to wash the dishes…for the last 6 days…and so you’re a bit irritated at the mess.

Or maybe two of your friends were going at it, and you inadvertently chose a side in the argument.  And now the other friend isn’t speaking to the both of you.  What now? How do you fix it?

Some friendships are meant to end. Yes, it’s true some people come and go with the seasons.  But what about those friends that are supposed to be there e for life?

Yes ladies, college may not have produced that M.R.S. degree but it may have left you with what will be some wonderful bridesmaids.  Did you allow something to come between the friendship?  Have you made a terrible mistake and your pride is preventing you from getting your friend back?

Because here’s the thing with friendship breakups: Sometimes you come to regret them.  In so many instances, friendships are like relationships.  You have to care for them, spend time with them.  Jealousy doesn’t belong in a friendship.  If you’re the type that doesn’t like for your friend to hang out with other people that is the formula for disaster!

Some people often say the demise of their friendship was when friends became roommates.  And I don’t think that’s always the truth.  I think the problem when friends become roommates is not the “24/7-ness”, but rather the lack of communication.  People try to spare the relationship at the expense of communication.  For example, if you were living with your best friend and he/she ate some of the food that you purchased and that wasn’t the original plan that you had previously discussed, sending an e-mail in fury to your significant other or a parent is not going to fix the problem.  Instead, you have to have OPEN COMMUNICATION!  I can not stress this enough.

Giving you all the advice on how to maintain a healthy relationship isn’t what this post is about, however.  I am reaching out to those who have unfortunately let a good friendship go over something so petty.

“A relationship is an active process, and a repair should be an ongoing process, as well,” says Frederic Luskin, a psychologist, director of the Forgiveness Project at Stanford University, which researches how forgiveness is good for mental and physical health, and author of “Forgive for Good.” “You need to pay attention and not just be wrapped up in what you need to say,” he says.

Forgiveness isn’t just good for the relationship; it can improve your health too! Forgiveness—asking for it and granting it—is good for your health. Research shows it lowers your blood pressure, decreases depression and has a positive effect on the nervous system, says Dr. Luskin.

Make-Up Kit

Here are some tips for mending a broken friendship

·         When in doubt, err on the side of trying to reconcile.

·         Vent to a third party who is supportive of the friendship, not to your estranged friend.

·         You may be ready to make up, but don’t assume your friend is, too. Invite your friend to work with you.

·         Ask what you did wrong—and listen to the answer. Apologize. Take it slow. Rebuilding trust takes time.

Is there a time limit on mending a broken friendship? It depends, the experts say. Time can make the situation worse, allowing people to stew in their grievances too long, or letting them forget what was good about the union in the first place. But often time heals—especially if the parties mellow, mature or otherwise change their perspectives.

Have you ever let go of a good friend?  Do you miss them and want their friendship back?  What’s holding you back from asking for forgiveness, granting forgiveness, or both?

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