As many of you know, I usually just don’t shy away from controversial topics. However, this one-the cat got my tongue. This question was sent to me and the person asked me not to use their name, but cleared me to share a little background information. She stated that she hopes my response to this issue will help others with her same problem. I asked her, did she know of others with this same problem? She responded, “This issue is global throughout the church.” My mouth dropped in amazement.
Background: The caller in this case is a Pastor’s wife and has been for about 15 years. She shared that she has never had an orgasm in her life and was very curious and wanted to know why. She did share that she grew-up in a strict, pentecostal church, where they were only taught the negative things about sex. (pregnancy, STDS and being put out of the church) She reports that she believes she took her beliefs into her marriage. I asked her has she had this discussion with her husband. She replied, “No, I feel uncomfortable talking about sex with him.” I asked her, “Well do you have any children?” She replied, “Yes. Five.”
Consideration: I took a deep breath because I had several other questions but I did not want to turn the caller off. I asked her, “Well does he know that you don’t have orgasms?” She replied, “He has never asked. I am not sure this is important to him. We are in a building fund right now.”
Problem: I asked the caller, why did she want to ask this blogger such a question? She replied, “I knew you would answer.” I then inquired if she knew of others, in the church, with the same problem. She replied, “Most of us.” (Cause to pause) So, I finally got to the million dollar question, “What exactly do you mean by masturbation?” She replied, “You know, toys and things like that.” (laughter) I then had to inquire, “Do you have any toys?” She replied, “No, but one of the lady’s at the church sells them.” (Dr.O’s laughter) Well, this is a new one on me.
Statistical fact: It has been reported that somewhere between 60-75 percent of women do not have orgasm during sex. It is further reported that of the possible25-30% that do have orgasms, they require toys or other other forms of stimulation.
Solution: My recommendation to this Pastor’s wife and anyone else that may be having this problem, first have a heart-to-heart discussion with your husband/spouse before taking matters into your own hands. Also, if you come from a strict religious background, you may need Cognitive Behavioral or Sex Therapy to help you out with this issue. According to my research, this is not uncommon and very common in the church. As a matter-of-fact, many married couples in some religious sects only have sex for procreation. I told this lady, “To thine own self be true.” I let her know that if her husband is not willing to cooperate or assist her with this issue, then she may have to “seek happiness elsewhere.” She asked me, “What does that mean Dr.O” I replied, “Woman then thou shalt be loosed.” Enough Said! This is the Board-Certified Psychiatrist speaking.
Sexual Frustration can lead to depression, anxiety, poor work-performance, cheating, marital conflict, hair loss, pornography, and crying spells. This is a very serious issue and I am glad that this young lady felt comfortable enough sharing the issue with Ask Dr O.
Do you have any comments, reflections, assertions, disagreements or further discussion on this topic. Feel free to leave a question on this post.
Once again thanks for stopping by,
Picture source: http://www.hotflick.net/pictures/006CLK_Kate_Beckinsale_023.html