I remember some time ago I attended a training to be an “Anger Management Specialist.” During the training with Dr.Byrd (Atlanta, GA) I learned a lot of new and exciting things. However, there were a couple of things that really caught my eye and one was Dr. Gary Chapman’s, “The 5 Love Languages.” In this session, we all learned a lot.
I want to share with you a little bit about what I learned. First off, let me list out the 5 Love languages for you and give you a small explanation of each:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
I must share with you that I knew all of the above concepts, but the way they were shared was very interesting and insightful to me.
1. Words of Affirmation: For many years many of us have lied to ourselves and stated, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never do it.” This is just not true. Words can be very harmful. The way that we speak and share with one another is very important. Saying nice things like, “You are beautiful” or “You are special to me” serves to affirm your relationship. This is important in erotic, platonic and even family relationships.
2. Quality Time: This is an important language. Sometimes spending that quiet time alone with a lover or even a friend is important. This is an opportunity to possibly share uninterrupted time and really say some of those nice things that we rarely have time to say. It is important to adjust our schedules to include the ones we love. Sometimes a Friday night dinner could me so much to a friend or loved one that has had a difficult or challenging week. Why not make this happen for someone important to you.
3. Receiving Gifts: This is a big one. Oftentimes my family members use the excuse with me, “What do you buy someone who has everything.” That is NOT true on many levels. I always share with them that “it is NOT the gift but the THOUGHT that went into the gift that counts.” Dr. Chapman shares, “the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you.” All I can say is “WOW!
4. Acts of Service: Sometimes those little small gestures, cutting the grass for an elderly loved one or picking up laundry for a friend that is ill is such a powerful language of love. I had a small bout with the flu and a couple of friends brought orange juice and some even prepared a meal. Boy did this make me feel both special and loved. Acts of service are indeed a necessary language of love.
5. Physical Touch: Touch is far more than sex. A small caress or tap on the shoulder for a hurting partner or family member could mean so much when they are down. Most of us like to be appropriately touched, especially your children. This is a universal language of love and I implore you to start using it more. Sex is appropriate for the right time and place but it is not everything. There are other appropriate methods of physical touch to express your love.For more infor on this topic go to www.5lovelanguages.com.
I hope that you have enjoyed this post and will take the opportunity to read my new e-book, “Am I in a Bad Relationship?”
Once again thanks for visiting the site!
Dr.O
