Deal Breakers: When To Change Your Mind About Marriage…

Aretha Franklin and Willie Wilkerson

After announcing her engagement to her long-time friend Willie Wilkerson, just three weeks ago, Aretha Franklin released a statement calling off the marriage.

“Will and I have decided we were moving a little too fast, and there were a number of things that had not been thought through thoroughly. There will be no wedding at this time.”

“We will not comment on it any further because of the very personal and sensitive nature of it. We appreciate all of the many well wishes from friends. Aretha & Will.” The couple said in a joint statement.

Wait, what?

How can you be so gun-ho on marrying someone and then in the next breath realize that you were about to make the biggest mistake of your life?

There are several factors that may lead to couples decided to change their mind about tying the knot: here are some questions to ask yourself.

  • Family – Is your significant others family hell bent on destroying your relationship? Is the burden too much to bear? It’s pretty hard to make a relationship work if the families can’t get along. I’m not talking about minor disagreements here; I’m talking about sabotage. LikeĀ  his mother setting your fiancee up on a date with their first love. Or refusing to attend the ceremony. Are you willing to spend holidays apart from your spouse’s family?
  • Infidelity – So it’s three weeks before your wedding, and you find out that your “soul mate” has been having an affair. What’s the next step for you? Is it enough to destroy your intended union or will you work to get past it? Affairs aren’t always a deal breaker, but they are for SOME people.
  • Finances – Did you find out that your boo has a shaky credit history? Will you be carrying the bulk of the financial burden in the marriage? Can you afford to make a home together? Are you comfortable with sharing your bank accounts? Money matters.
  • Children – Do you love everything about your future wife, but the fact that she doesn’t want children. If you go through with the wedding and fore go having mini-mes, will you begin to resent your wife? Children are a hard compromise to make.
  • Work – Your fiancee just got a job offer in Tokyo. Are you prepared to leave your entire family/friends/support system for love? Are you comfortable with your spouse being gone 3 weeks out of the month? What matters the most to you?
  • Coercion – Are you getting married just because you think you’re supposed to? If you’re being pressured into a marriage that you don’t want, you may find yourself filled with resentment as the union matures.

Go through this list and figure out what is a deal breaker for you. Some things matter more than others, but the point is to figure out what you’re unwilling to compromise on…before you walk down the aisle. Creating open dialogue about uncomfortable topics BEFORE the wedding, will make your union run more smoothly.

What are some deal breakers for you?

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