At some point, everyone goes through the “marrying” phase in which images and talk of wedding dresses, tuxedos, colors and reception halls dazzle the eye. If you’ve found yourself driving along avenues, past churches in the spring time, looking to see what sort of weddings are occurring, perhaps you’ve gotten it TOO bad. Either way it goes, sometimes this romantic “period” goes away within a month’s time…but for some, the feeling sticks, and you find yourself saying, “I do” before you have time to think. With marriage comes a laundry list of things, and at the top of the list is: WORK. Compromises are made daily in a spousal relationship, and certain habits, enjoyments and other things you originally indulged in have to either be limited, or ultimately tossed. Among this list of things are SINGLE FRIENDS. Some friends are too valuable to keep, and having single friends while you’re committed is an art in itself. But sometimes, you have those OTHER friends whom you just need to get away from. So, how do you determine who stays and who goes? AskDrO has the perfect recipe to follow:
1.) Determine your “in” crowd. It’s normal for single friends to have a hard time adjusting to new priorities and challenges of your relationship, but the adjustment shouldn’t last for long. If you find yourself constantly “babying” your single friends’ attitudes about you being in love, perhaps you need to drop them.
2.) Develop your own coalition. Once you have determined your chosen few, now it’s time to bring everyone together. This can be in the form of a cookout invite, a night out for dinner, or a small “icebreaker” or game night. In this way, you and your lover’s friends can acknowledge each other and find common ground.
3.) Don’t be afraid of the “switcheroo”. Just because they’re your friends doesn’t mean they’re only interested in things you like. If you find that your single friend and your lover both enjoy something, encourage them to bond in that aspect. It’s about trust; the more you exercise it, the easier your relationship will be.
4.) Keep personal business private. As adults, relationships and love come as a universal topic or conversation piece, but delving into personal territory or issues is a surefire way of making the atmosphere awkward. Talk about relationship issues in a global sense; leaking personal information may be used as firepower for churning calm waters after issues are resolved.
5.) No match-making! This is especially important; just because you are partnered does NOT mean you have to complete the circle! If a single friend is perfectly content in his/her situation, DON’T try to change that. Not only will it potentially create a riff between you two, but it may also change their perception about your character.
6.) Tackle, tackle, tackle! Simply put: if a friend is afraid they’ll lose the “fun” side of you, then ask them to be honest about it. Tackling the hard parts of the conversation guarantees better understanding of their feelings, so not only will you know how to resolve the issue, but be able to share some fears you may have yourself! Sometimes this either means the end of an unneeded friendship, or the start of a better chapter in your lives!
Are there other ways that you can use to maintain single friends in a relationship? Do you believe that married couples should have ONLY other married couples as friends or are single ones allowed? Share your thoughts on the blog!