Are You Co-Dependent on Him/Her? Relationship 101

This is a very common problem in a lot of relationships, co-dependency. The question that one ponders often is, “Am I really co-dependent on my mate/spouse?” This can cause significant problems and may even lead to separation/divorce. Let me present a few basic questions to you for inventory.

  1. Do either of  you send more than three texts per day to each other ?
  2. Do either of you feel panicky if the other doesn’t  hear from the other within three hours?
  3. Do either of you always feel like the other  lover is cheating?
  4. Do both of you require a lot of validation and reassurance in your relationship?
  5. Do both or either of you continuously call the other’s cell-phone until they answer as opposed to offering them the opportunity to call you back?
  6. If your spouse/lover says “No” to one-night of  sex, does the other partner  automatically get on the defensive?
  7. Have either of you ever allowed your lover/spouse to take a vacation with his/her primary family or childhood friends without you (i.e. Family Reunion)?

Now those were  just a couple of introductory questions for you to ponder. By now, you are either very interested in this post and forcing yourself to read me or going into a shell of anger. Now, I have just three more questions to ask/present. However, I must caution you that these NEXT (3) queries are very serious relationship-boundary-violations in my opinion and if you participate in either of these behaviors, enter ye in with caution.


  • Do you check each other’s  text-messages?

This is a boundary violation and if you are participating in this behavior, you should stop it immediately.  I am sure that you would disagree, but if you can’t trust your partner’s conversations, simply have a sit down face-to-face conversation and move forward after this discussion.


  • Do you go through each other’s cell- phone(s)?

This is another boundary violation and can lead you down a slippery slope to insanity.  Sometimes, you can be looking at the wrong thing. I have known people to sit up all night calling back numbers of relatives, business associate’s and friends. You may occasionally hit that jackpot number you were looking for but is it really worth it? This is the age of media and social networking. Be sure that you are right and 9 times out of 10 your spouse will be alright. Don’t drive yourself into depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts by rambling. Make sure that your relationship is solid and surely you will be alright.

  • Do you check each other’s  e-mails regularly?* This is the greatest boundary violation and it’s sure to lead to the demise of your relationship and definitely points to a level of co-dependency.

Now just take a deep-breath.  Being co-dependent is NOT the worst thing, but it usually leads into vulnerabilities in other areas. It is important that we first take self-inventory and  “look at the man/woman in the mirror” before we challenge our mate. Co-dependency issues can be exhausting for both. Trust sometimes goes out of the window and physical intimacy may suffer. It is important to resolve issues of co-dependency in any relationship. Co-dependency can exist in home, school, work and even church. Stay tuned for my blogpost “Co-Dependency” in the church.” It is going to blow most pastors and church leaders socks off.

If you are concerned about have a possible personality disorder or any other mental health disorder, go to and take the sample assessment. Also, visit the blog and scroll through the pages, you will find information on the top ten psychiatric disorders inside of the body of the blog.


Once again thanks for stopping by,



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