It’s a Black woman’s worst enemy…the “Down-Low Brutha”. He can swoon a woman while making eyes with the man across the room. His machismo is enough that, even in the midst of excessive evidence, his denial convinces you that he “can’t be into that”. Yet, down-low men still seek the sexual attention of other men while still maintaining a relationship with their unknowing girlfriends or wives. Although a lot of people associate the “DL” phenomenon primarily as an African-American issue, it reaches across all ethnic groups and backgrounds. It’s very simple: any straight man who carries a discreet sexual relationship with another man is considered “DL”, whether Black, White, Hispanic, Russian or Arabian. Furthermore, the “DL” man is contributor to the number one cause of HIV/AIDS infections in Black women today (see video below for more information). So what makes these men “in hiding” carry these types of relationships, and how do they develop these feelings? AskDrO.com sat down with “Lamont”, a DL man, to be interviewed and discuss his point of view:
Q: Why don’t you tell us your name and where you’re from.
A: I’m Lamont, from Atlanta.
Q: So you consider yourself DL, what does that mean?
A: It basically means you have a female companion, but you still mess with men.
Q: How did these sexual feelings for another male generate?
A: Through sports; I had a teammate and we would experiment. From then, I just grew to like it.
Q: So you DATE females, but HAVE SEX with men?
Q: So do you have sex with females too?
A: Of course!
Q: So why both? What satisfaction do men give you that women can’t?
A: I think it’s one of those aggression release things. I don’t know; I can be pretty aggressive with women, but they don’t like that. I think back to my teammate and I’s [encounter] and that type of aggression I liked only came from guys, and men are more tolerant and durable to that aggression, and they give it right back.
Q: Do you practice safe sex?
A: Sometimes I do. Like, when I mess with dudes I do, but I have a girlfriend and we sometimes don’t.
Q: Do you think you would ever make a decision to choose one side, or no? Why do you do both sides?
A: I might one day. I know that when I [marry], I’m going to be faithful to her.
This is baffling; do we live in a society where, when one of our relationship aspects go unfulfilled, we seek the attention of the same sex? To what can we attribute this? Is it the simplicity of identifying each other’s needs? Is it a selfish nature that we don’t tell because of fear of rejection? Or is it an inevitable result of some abuse that occurred long ago? Let me hear your thoughts on this!