Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the vainest of them all? NARCISSIST. Yep, that’s right a narcissist on the deep end of the spectrum is probably the most self-absorbed individual you’ll ever meet. Now listen, we all have a narcissistic streak in us, but it’s only when we begin to have extreme tendencies that it becomes a disorder.
It’s usually easy to spot a narcissist or someone who exhibits the tendencies. However, I think some of you may not have a clue as to what these signs may be.
Psychology Today ran an excellent article on dating narcissists in their August edition.
Five Signs of a Stealth Narcissist
- Bragging about one’s perfect family -have you ever seen a perfect family?
- Hypergenerosity in public – to demonstrate power
- Hypersensitive and insecure – imagined criticism and acting vulnerable
- Prone to a vast array of negative emotions – depression, anxiety, self-consciousness and shame at not being given their “due.”
- Repeatedly puts down other people – Always has something smart to say about strangers and lessers.
If you find yourself dating someone who exhibits all of these signs…run for the hills! It’s going to be quite difficult to get them to notice you beyond their own agenda. You might find yourself in a relationship, but you’re quite lonely.
Paradox 1 -Narcissists are insulted when told they aren’t brilliant but aren’t affected much if told they are jerks.
Paradox 2 -The more entitled and exploitative the narcissist, the more popular he or she is among classmates.
Paradox 3 -Narcissists simultanelously devalue others even as they need others’ admiration.
Paradox 4 – Narcissists know that others find them obnoxious. And they don’t care.
If after reading the above material you STILL find yourself wondering how you’ve managed to attract more than ONE narcissist, don’t fret I have help!
You might need to change the way you date to stop attracting the self-absorbed partner.
De-narcissify Your Encounters
- Slow Down – Stop wanting the flashiest guy or girl in the room. Try talking to an introvert.
- Observe a Variety of Settings -Watch how they interact in different settings and ask their friends/colleagues about them.
- Consider the Venue – You’re more likely to encounter a narcissist in a club or bar. Try Starbucks or Barnes & Nobles.
- Examine Why You May Be Attracting Narcissists – Do you love overly ambitious people? Why?
- Get Out As Soon As You Can – If you find yourself dating a narcissist remember they won’t change, so get out before you’re manipulated.
- Take Control of the Situation – Do what you need to do to move forward.