This is a question that I am asked pretty frequently in psychotherapy. There are a number of possible resons that we must explore before drawing in particular conclusions.  I am presenting this issue in May because it is almost time for summer vacations and you don’t have any placed scheduled to go at this time. The question that you first have to consider is, “Am I trully ready for a relationship?”  The answer to this questions sometimes baffles most of us and we can go back-and-forth with the true or real anwer. If you are not sure just continue reading this post and you may discover the reality of just where you might stand. I am going to share just a few reasons that you might be still single.

1. Religious pre-occupation

These are people that do not really have a social life and they have therefore chosedn to spend every few moment in the conundrum of church activities. This could include;  choir rehearsals, revivals, bake-sales, meetings at the church house and greater than 2 services on a Sunday. There has to be an analysis of this onservation. If you are spending an excess of time, participating in religious functions, you really don;t have much time for yourself much less a new date. That is whay you resort to quick hook-ups after church or a social life that is gravely contigent upon your choir members, usher board or the willing-workers society. Be sure not to confuse personal “spiritual” relationship and meditation time with regular fellowship with people.  Usually, people with balance have there prayer/devotion time carved out so there is no real interference when they choose to go out socially with friends.

2. Low self-esteem

A lot of people don’t really know it, but there don’t feel as well about themselves as possile. When you have low self-esteem, it usually shows-up very early in a relationship. Issues with trust and neediness arise before the relationship gets off the ground. As a result, you end-up pushing that potentional mate away before they really get to know you and you really get to know them. For those of you, looking for marriage, remember that there will have to be some sort of courtship to get to know the other person. You might want to know their favorite vacation spots, if they are a mornign or evening person, do they like chicken and or fish, or is blue or black theri favorite color. It is not advisable to find out the quintessentials of your relationship after walkign down the aisle.

3. Financial Issues

Som epeople never have money. They don’t even have enough change to take in a movie or go for an ice-creeam cone. Ladies justdon’t assume that chivalry is dead because your date doesn’t offer to pay for every meal each time you go out on a date. It is appropriate to occasioanlly go stag or treat your guy of interest. The rules of dating have changed and if oyu offer some guys, they will just pick-up the tab anywhere because the thought wa just wonderful in the  first place. And ladies, and gentleman as weel, do not order the most expensive thing on the menu the first night out-of-the-gate. I can assure you that this will be your first and last time if this is the case. However, if you are just dying to have that piece of steak, offer to pay the tip or something to make the blow let’s visiable during your initial dating experiences with a new prospect.

4. Double-Minded

A lot of single people are really confused about what they want for a mate. If you are not sure that you want a entleman and a scholar just take inventory of what type of guy/girl you’ve dated in the past and see if you can draw some conculsions. This is important because if you want a Django and end-up with a nice timid brother, you will surely become bored and uninterested after the third date. If you are lookign for “Gone With the WInd Fabulous” and settle for a plain Jane with 2 outfits you will surely leave out of the back door or the restaurant during the next dining experience. It is okay to want a lady at church and at the in-laws and the freak-of-the-week on the honeymoon. To thine ownself be true that’s all.

5. Be clear of expectations form the beginning

If you are looking for someone to settle down with, make that clear after the first few dates. Don’t wait until you have been sitting across from someone for several months. This is very frustrating. You have to be true from the beginning so that the person will actually know what you are looking for in the future.

• Someone for Sunday afternoon dinners and walks in the park
• A ride to church. (free)
• Someone to talk to several times a day about how the day is going.
• Someone to marry, to hold and to make a  family together wife.

Spring and love is in the sir. However, I would like for you to go and get my book at www.askdro.com to find out a few more startegies fro finding love and watching out for the pitfalls of saying, “Am I in a Bad Relationship?” one too many times.

Thanks for stopping by,

Dr.O