Letter from a Church Choir Member: Repost from 2009

Dear Dr. Owens,

I am depressed. I really don’t mind you posting my story because I am not your patient. I know exactly where my depression comes from – my soul. You see, I have been in a sexual relationship with my pastor for several years. I am ashamed because I work closely with his wife.  She helped me out financially when I was having a hard time and she never told anyone or made me feel bad either.  She is also a cancer survivor. He told me that she has no interest at all in any type of sex.  I felt obligated because the church has helped me out in the past. You see, Dr.Owens, I am a single mother of three small kids so I can not continue in this forbidden relationship.   I feel dirty and bad every time I come to church.  I feel very bad each Sunday when I see his wife. I also can not really receive anything from his words.  I know that the church mothers will not believe me. What should I do?

Mary Magdalene

P.S. I just found out that I am 6 weeks pregnant

Dear Mary M.,

First off, it sounds like you need to forgive yourself. As with many cases I see, your pastor most probably pursued you first. You will have to find another church, period. Also, does your pastor have a superior that he reports to at this time? If not, still leave and save your own soul. God will help you out of this type of situation. You also stated that you are pregnant; you did not say by who, but my gut tells me that it is his child.  With this, your situation may get worse before it gets better. Stand strong and have no fear, but you will have to go through the courts to get paternity established.

I know you feel bad and alone, but this has become very common in some of our churches. Find refuge and settle in there until God moves you to another place. Hang in there and be encouraged.

Sincerely yours,


What advice do you have for this church Lady? Should she leave this church or report him to the Bishop? Should she keep this child, if it is his, or seek  other alternatives? Should she speak with his wife or remain silent? Is this becoming an all too often occurrence in some churches? Let me hear your thoughts on any of the above issues.

If you are currently involved in this type of relationship, please purchase a copy of me e-book @http://amzn.to/AcFViO

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