This is a sizzling hot topic so pick your mouths up off the floor. I did a quick survey of (50) readers of my blog to see if this problem could be validated.
The first question stated, “Is oral-sex a point of contention in your current relationship?” The response was 50% YES, 25% NO and 25% No Answer.
The second question was, “Did you feel that what takes place sexually in a marriage, as long as agreed upon, is alright?” The response was 25% Yes, 33% No and 42% No Answer.
The third question was, “Do you feel like specifically oral-sex is important between partners in a monogamous relationship?” 33% YES, 25%, NO and 42% No Answer
Free text comments left on the survey.
- “My wife say she don’t “give-head.”
This was stated by several of the men who took the survey. The men were seemingly very frustrated because they claimed that their wives/mates satisfied them in this way before they entered into a committed relationship. However, after marriage or commitment, things changed. The men on the survey reported that although this is a point of contention, I don’t see it as a reason for divorce or separation.
- ‘The only way I can get an orgasm is if my husband does “that” to me.
It is a none fact that a large percentage of women don’t reach climax during normal sex. However, many of them have shared in numerous studies that with oral stimulation, they can achieve orgasm. So when I saw these comments several times, I was not surprised at all. However, I still can’t process how women who have had children, have NOT had this discussion with their husbands.
- “The Bible does NOT support oral sex.”
This was very interesting to me, because I am sure the bible states, “In marriage the bed is undefiled.” Now the interpretation of this is probably denomination specific. I am NOT sure what “undefiled” meant to the (3) persons that left a similar response in the free text comment section regarding this matter, either.
What are my recommendations concerning “oral-sex woes” in marriage. Here is my laundry list of to dos before you decide to “tie the knot.
- Have a very open discussion about sexual appetite.
- Have a discussion about frequency of need.
- Have an open discussion about oral-sex.
Now this may be a little uncomfortable at first, but I guarantee you if you are open and honest you will be very glad that you talked to your potential mate in the beginning. What happens, if you do not have this discussion early on, it may leave your marriage/relationship vulnerable. Now by the same token, if you decide to develop freaky behaviors, in the latter part, of your life, don’t expect your spouse to immediately jump on board. This is way I really caution married couple about sex-tapes. A lot of people share with me that they need them because their bedroom has become dead and cold. Therefore, I have to back down. However, I still caution those couples that too much of this is NOT good especially when there may be other issues on the horizon in the bedroom. An example of this would be when one wife told me , “Dr.O I am not sure who my husband is looking at in the videos, the men or the women.” This issue will be covered in another blogpost. You can also check out my old post, “I think My Husband is Gay.”
I know this is a very difficult topic, but I am just hoping that you got a little bit of information out of this post and hopefully it was informative. If you need more help, go to the blog at www.AskDrO.com for more information.
As always, thanks for coming by,
Dr.O
